24: “2:00am – 3:00am”

This season of 24 started out looking quite promising despite the age of the show.

But now I’m bored.

Yes, at the beginning of this episode there were two high-stakes imminent bomb threats. No, I didn’t particularly care. My attention just wasn’t being grasped by any of the tension that the situation supposedly aroused. Usually I’m quite prone to being swept up into the world of counter-terrorism a la Jack Bauer. This week, notsomuch.

Dana finally returned to CTU. Finally. And Hastings gave her a tongue lashing so impressive his character is almost fully redeemed in my eyes. Unfortunately, this was all rendered pretty much null and void when Dana got a call from whatsisface’s parole officer. Because, of course, even though they’re dead we aren’t done with that yet. Sigh.

In parts of the world of 24 that are at least supposed to be more exciting, Marcos was in an oxygen chamber rewiring a bomb. Gasp! Unfortunately, I just couldn’t ever bring myself to take him seriously. Nothing against Rami Malek or his acting – he is more than perfectly capable and gave an excellent performance. It’s just that I can’t look at him without seeing him in his pharoah hat from Night at the Museum.

The one part of this whole bomb-threat bit that was almost enjoyable was the requisite Jack Bauer speech. You know the one: where he starts out speaking calmly and ends up threatening horrible things in his most badass phraseology. Sadly, these speeches – much like Jack Bauer – are starting to show their age.  Yeah, they’re fun. But honestly I’m getting to the point where I wish he’d just say “Because I’m Jack Bauer, bitch” and have it over and done with.

The final attempt made to redeem this episode was the excessive screen time dedicated to attractive, naked young people. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy attractive, naked young people as much as the next person, and god knows the one area where 24 lacks is sexiness (no, rugged jawlines do not count).

But even this part of the story ultimately ended in failure. How? An unforseeable plot-twist! Guess what guys – the boyfriend is the bad guy! OMG, TOTALLY DID NOT SEE THAT COMING, I AM SO...wait. I saw this coming three weeks ago. And I never see things coming. Storycraft FAIL.

At this point, the best I can do is hope that now that all these things are out in the open things will actually start happening again. Real things. Things that are actually exciting. I’m definitely not expecting any incredible innovation – 24 is nothing if not consistent – but I would like a bit of an adrenaline rush, please.

Oh. And also more Cherry Jones. Thanks.

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