This Week 3/7 to 3/12

So yeah. I guess I’m back.

I’ve spent the last…however long its been…mostly hacking away at my To-Watch list of old. Progress so far: Seasons 1 and 2 of Damages, Seasons 1-3 of Dexter, rewatching Season1 of Dollhouse, attempting to watch The 4400, and then also watching hours and hours of Whose Line Is It Anyway. Next up is Season 1 of The Closer, and I’m very excited.

BUT. Time goes on. New things air. And I try to keep up, or at least catch up.

MONDAY:
8pm – Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family
8pm – The Event on ABC (2-hour midseason return!)
9pm – The Chicago Code on FOX
9pm – Being Human on SyFy

Of these four, I’m only current on The Event, and that’s only because there haven’t been any new episodes since my Great Catch Up of early January. Actually, I haven’t even started The Chicago Code yet. But people I trust tell me I should, so.

TUESDAY:
8pm – Glee on FOX
10pm – White Collar on USA

GWYNETH PALTROW IS BACK ON GLEE!!! (Which reminds me. I finally caught back up on Glee after my period of disenchantment. And I LOVE IT again. Good times.)

WEDNESDAY:
10pm – Justified on FX

Question for Wednesday: is Mr. Sunshine worth watching? I’ve been curious.

THURSDAY:
9pm – Bones on FOX
10pm – Facing Kate on USA

This week on Bones: continuation of the “sniper arc” I keep hearing about. What makes that actually exciting: Arnold Vosloo!

FRIDAY:
9pm – CSI: NY on CBS
9pm – Fringe on FOX

I really need to catch up on Fringe. I miss it.

SATURDAY:
11:30pm – Saturday Night Live (Zach Galifianakis and Jessie J.) on NBC

In Big Screen Brain news, I just saw The Adjustment Bureau. Expect a review in the next couple of days.

This Week 1/31 to 2/5

My top priority for this week: first season of Dexter!! Everything else will have to wait.

MONDAY:
8pm – Chuck on NBC
8pm – Human Target on FOX
8pm – Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family
9pm – The Cape on NBC
9pm – Lie to Me on FOX
9pm – Being Human on SyFy
10pm – Harry’s Law on NBC

Need to actually watch the first couple episodes of Harry’s Law.

TUESDAY:
8pm – NCIS on CBS
9pm – NCIS: Los Angeles on CBS
10pm – White Collar on USA

WEDNESDAY:
9pm – Human Target on FOX
10pm – Face Off on SyFy

Two new Human Target episodes in one week? Really?

THURSDAY:
8pm – The Vampire Diaries on the CW
9pm – Nikita on the CW
9pm – Bones on FOX
10pm – Fairly Legal on USA

First Glance on Fairly Legal is in the works.

FRIDAY:
9pm – Fringe on FOX
10pm – CSI: NY on CBS

Man, I really ought to catch up on Fringe one of these days.

SATURDAY:
11:30pm – Saturday Night Live (Dana Carvey and Linkin Park) on NBC

This Week 1/24 to 1/29

Coming this week from Melted Brain: one Big Screen Brain, three (maybe four) First Glances, and one Oh THAT Guy. I just need to figure out when to write them all.

ANYWAY. SCHEDULE.

MONDAY:
8pm – Chuck on NBC
8pm – Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family
9pm – The Cape on NBC
9pm – Lie to Me on FOX
9pm – Being Human on SyFy
10pm – Castle on ABC

New Castle! My week is horribly sad when it doesn’t start with a good hour of snarky crimesolving.

TUESDAY:
10pm – White Collar on USA

Dear Tuesday,
Suck less.
Love,
Melted Brain

WEDNESDAY:
10pm – Blue Bloods on CBS
10pm – Face Off on SyFy

Blue Bloods has been upgraded from Fridays. I guess that means it’s doing well. And, reminder, Face Off is a special effects makeup competition show.

THURSDAY:
8pm – The Vampire Diaries on the CW
9pm – Nikita on the CW
9pm – Bones on FOX
10pm – Fairly Legal on USA

FRIDAY:
9pm – Fringe on FOX

SATURDAY:
11:30pm – Saturday Night Live (Jesse Eisenberg and Nicki Minaj) on NBC

Now THERE is an SNL lineup I am dying to miss. Also on NBC: US Championship Figure Skating, Ladies Free Skate. (Looks like I’ll be getting a call from my grandmother later this week…)

This Week 1/17 to 1/22

Well, the Golden Globes are tonight. I’ll see about doing a post on that. Maybe. For now, the schedule for the coming week. Woo.

MONDAY:
8pm – Chuck on NBC (midseason return!)
8pm – House on FOX
8pm – Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family
9pm – The Cape on NBC
9pm – Lie to Me on FOX
9pm – Being Human on SyFy (series pilot!)
10pm – Hawaii Five-0 on CBS
10pm – Harry’s Law on NBC (series pilot!)

I should probably just take House off of my schedule. I’m not watching it and, from what I hear, that’s not a terrible loss.

TUESDAY:
8pm – NCIS on CBS
9pm – NCIS: Los Angeles on CBS
10pm – Southland on TNT
10pm – White Collar on USA

I have now removed V, Detroit 1-8-7, and No Ordinary Family from my schedule. Because, honestly, it just isn’t gonna happen. Ever.

WEDNESDAY:

Oh great. American Idol is starting again. (Bones marathon on TNT or NCIS marathon on USA? I think so.)

THURSDAY:
9pm – Bones on FOX (midseason return!)
10pm – Fairly Legal on USA (series pilot!)

Thank goodness for this Thursday!

FRIDAY:
9pm – Fringe on FOX (midseason return!)

…you’ve got to be shitting me. Fringe‘s Friday Death Slot premiere is titled “Firefly“? Can we spell “death sentence”? Jesus.

SATURDAY:

Nothing new is airing.

This Week 1/3 to 1/9

MONDAY:
8pm – Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family (midseason return!)
10pm – Castle on ABC (midseason return!)
10pm – Hawaii Five-0 on CBS (midseason return!)

This week’s episode of Castle brought to you by the excellent and intriguing title “Nikki Heat.” It’s gonna be a good ‘un.

TUESDAY:
8pm – No Ordinary Family  on ABC (midseason return!)
9pm – V on ABC (season premiere!)
10pm – Detroit 1-8-7 on ABC (midseason return!)
10pm – Southland on TNT (season premiere!)

Except I actually don’t watch any of these. Maybe I should take them off my schedule…

WEDNESDAY:
8pm – Human Target on FOX (2-hour midseason return!)

Also, there’s a Bones marathon on TNT.

THURSDAY:

Nothing new is airing.

FRIDAY:
9pm – CSI: NY on CBS (midseason return!)

SATURDAY:
11:30pm – Saturday Night Live (Jim Carrey and the Black Keys) on NBC (midseason return!)

SUNDAY:
9pm – The Cape on NBC (2-hour series pilot!)
9:30pm – Episodes on Showtime (series pilot!)
10pm – Shameless on Showtime (series pilot!)

Tis the Midseason

It’s that time again. Midseason return/premiere schedule. Go!

Monday January 3
8:00pm – Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family (midseason return!)
10:00pm – Castle on ABC (midseason return!)
10pm – Hawaii Five-0 on CBS (midseason return!)

Hey, I could actually catch up on time to watch PLL! But that really doesn’t matter because I’m mostly just SUPER jazzed about more Castle.

Tuesday January 4
8:00pm – No Ordinary Family on ABC (midseason return!)
9:00pm – V on ABC (season premiere!)
10:00pm – Detroit 1-8-7 on ABC (midseason return!)
10:00pm – Southland on TNT (season premiere!)

…I probably will not actually watch anyof these. But I thought I’d include them just for kicks. (Question: Should I be watching No Ordinary Family?)

Wednesday January 5
8:00pm – Human Target on FOX (midseason return!)

Happy half-birthday to me!

Friday January 7
9:00pm – CSI: NY on CBS (midseason return!)
10:00pm – Blue Bloods on CBS (midseason return!)

Sunday January 9
9:00pm – The Cape on NBC (2-hour series pilot!)
9:30pm – Episodes on Showtime (series pilot!)
10:00pm – Shameless on Showtime (series pilot!)

Not gonna lie, all three of these shows look semi-ridiculous. The Cape is about a cop who gets framed and goes all caped vigilante on his city and, honestly, it looks even stupider than it sounds. Episodes is about Matt LeBlanc (playing himself) ruining the marriage of a British couple. And Shameless is just the newest in a long line of excellent British shows being stolen for and ruined on American television.

Monday January 10
9:00pm – Lie to Me on FOX (midseason return!)

Tuesday January 11
8:00pm – NCIS on CBS (midseason return!)
9:00pm – NCIS: Los Angeles on CBS (midseason return!)
10:00pm – Lights Out on FX (series pilot!)

In Lights Out, a former heavy-weight boxing champ starts working as a debt collector to make ends meet. Doesn’t pique my interest, but FX’s original series track record is pretty good and so should this be.

Wednesday January 12
10:00pm – Off the Map on ABC (series pilot!)

Basically it’s Grey’s Anatomy, but without indoor plumbing.

Monday January 17
8:00pm – Chuck on NBC (midseason return!)
8:00pm – House on FOX (midseason return!)
9:00pm – Being Human on SyFy (series pilot!)
10:00pm – Harry’s Law on NBC (series pilot!)

Being Human is another of those ripped-off Brit shows. Harry’s Law is a legal drama with an incredible cast that will most likely be at least fairly decent…but, frankly, I’d just rather have The Whole Truth back. (Oh, wait, wrong network…) Also…I can totally catch up on Chuck by this day…right?

Tuesday January 18
10:00pm – White Collar on USA (midseason return!)

I’m getting the impression that this show has only gotten better. I should work on catching up at some point.

Thursday January 20
8:00pm – Bones on FOX (midseason return!)
8:30pm – Perfect Couples on NBC (series pilot!)
10:00pm – Fairly Legal on USA (series pilot!)

Perfect Couples comes from minds behind 30 Rock and Friends. Fairly Legal stars Sarah Shahi and Michael Trucco and I have been waiting for it for two years. So guess which of these two shows is the one I’m going to be watching.

Friday January 21
9:00pm – Fringe on FOX (midseason return!)

Oh shit guys, Fringe has been relegated to the Friday Death Slot.

Wednesday January 26
10:00pm – Face Off on SyFy (series pilot!)

Normally I avoid competition/reality shows like the plague. But a competition/reality show about special effects makeup? Hell yes!

Thursday January 27
8:00pm – The Vampire Diaries on the CW (midseason return!)
9:00pm – Nikita on the CW (midseason return!)

Monday February 7
9:00pm – The Chicago Code on FOX (series pilot!)

It’s just another cop show, but it’s shot on location in Chicago and really wants to be the next hardxcoreawesome thing.

Tuesday February 8
8:00pm – Glee on FOX (midseason return!)

Wednesday February 9
9:30pm – Mr. Sunshine on ABC
10:00pm – Justified on FX

Mr. Sunshine sounds like an awful everyman semi-comedy indie film come to television. But more glamourous because, well, that’s just how it works.

Monday February 28
10:00pm – The Event on NBC (midseason return!)

Tuesday March 29
9:00pm – Body of Proof on ABC (series pilot!)

Crime procedural slash personal drama centered around an M.E. It could easily be interesting and fun. It could just as easily be awful and boring.

Wednesday April 6
9:30pm – Breaking In on FOX (series pilot!)

Oh look, Christian Slater‘s back. Again. Trying to make it as a television leading man. Again.

Wednesday April 13
10:00 – Happy Endings on ABC (series pilot!)

It’s another of these melodramedies about attractive young people and their romantic shenanigans. But I will admit, it has a pretty good cast.

How Hulu Is Ruining My Life Today

Today, Hulu is ruining my life by having the first ten episodes of Pretty Little Liars available for streaming in anticipation of the show’s return next Monday.

Way back when over the summer, I was totally planning on watching this show because, while I expected it to be stupid, the promos were incredibly intriguing. But I just never got around to it. Thanks to insomnia, I finally did…and now I CAN’T STOP.

My expectations of this show were low. In a nutshell, I was thinking something kind of like any standard CW series…but with a lower budget. Instead, Pretty Little Liars is actually quite…devious.

It is well-acted and disconcertingly well-written. While watching, you know that it’s truly teen girl drama fluffcrap. And yet it is impossible to stop watching. Because in between all of the OMGCUTEBOY drama, there’s this completely inexplicable mystery and you get almost zero clues but that storyline gets just enough emphasis that you HAVE TO KEEP WATCHING BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN. Plus, well, OMGCUTEBOYS. Lots of them.

Seriously, though, the draw is somewhat inexplicable…so naturally my next move is to try and explicate. Why is Pretty Little Liars genuinely enjoyable?

Maybe it’s because the characters are so…real. Emily is one of the most intriguing characters I’ve seen on television for awhile. She’s got the same secrecy, creepy family issues as everyone else. But she’s also got the whole sexuality-mystery-thing going. That is a teenage emotion crisis that has the potential to be done SO poorly, but it isn’t. Between Shay Mitchell‘s performance and the minimal script, the confusion is imparted more through feeling than explanation – and not through a sexfest either – and that is what makes it work.

The rest of the central characters are written just as well. Hanna (Ashley Benson) has the cookie-cutter Fat Girl Is Now Hot And Popular issues; but she is also totally credible in her impulse-driven, foot-in-mouth insensitivity to others. I have adored Lucy Hale since she first appeared as the little sister in Bionic Woman so her character could have been a complete disaster and I still would have loved her. But Aria has an older-than-her-years complexity that lends both wisdom and insecurity to the character and makes the development fascinating to watch. Spencer (Troian Bellisario) is unarguably the most boring of the four. Her plotline has been nothing but predictable – same ol’ same ol’ perfectionist who gets in over her head. Spencer’s saving grace is that all the creepy stuff happens on her turf – the house, the lipstick…and she has that whole “She might have killed Alison or seen something” thing going for her. Given the quality of the rest of the show, I’m willing to put in the patience to see her storyline get better.

And another character worth noting is Ezra Fitz. Silly name aside, he is my favorite. Because while he doesn’t need to be anything but cute and a foil for Aria’s emotional side, his character goes beyond that. He’s credited as a part of the regular cast for good reason – there’s actually some sort of emotional storyline with, like, levels and stuff. But…he’s mostly just cute. REALLY cute. (And, realistically speaking, way too young and unqualified to be teaching high school English. But hey! That’s the beauty of suspending disbelief. Fun fact: Ian Harding is actually only three years older than Lucy Hale.)

And that quality in character formation is pretty much the norm for the entire show. For instance, the whole This Big Brother “A” thing? Seriously creepy. But the AWESOME kind of creepy. Making that flower pot into a graveyard in S1E4? Frickin’ EPIC. I actually had chills by the end of “Can You Hear Me Now?”. That is what makes good television.

The most surprising thing is that even though all of these girls are wearing far too much makeup and are dressed far too fashionably and this is the most improbable small town since Stars Hollow, I have no desire to mock this show. Somehow, ABC Family has managed to create a drama that caters to teens without straying into melodrama territory. Even though all of the typical teen melodrama shit occurs – the underage shenanigans, the beyond improbable romances, the apparently endless wardrobes, the preposterously attractive population – it is performed and presented in such a way that I can’t bring myself to look down on it. Much as I would like to. I am forced to admit that I am very impressed by this show. I am addicted, and somehow lacking the guilt that came with my Gossip Girl phase of days gone past. (Yes, I had one, let us never speak of it again.)

One thing that IS excessively frustrating: I CANNOT FIND THE DETECTIVE GUY ON IMDB. IT’S LIKE HE DOESN’T EXIST. IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. His face is so familiar but I can’t find his name and his background and IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. Seriously. (If anyone can shed some light on that, DO PLEASE.)

Another thing that is definitely weirding me out: Bianca Lawson. She was playing a sixteen year old FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. I mean, she still looks all youthful and hot and everything but seriously: it is getting a little creepy. The not-awesome kind of creepy.

Final note: another highlight to the tune of Awesome Kind of Creepy. The title credits. Holy fuck and a half that shit is deliciously creepy. Enjoy.

This Week 8/9 to 8/15

Tonight:
10pm – Rizzoli & Isles on TNT

Where did the rest of Monday night go? The Teen Choice Awards ate it. Way to be, FOX.

TUESDAY:
8pm – Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family
9pm – White Collar on USA
10pm – Covert Affairs on USA
10pm – Memphis Beat on TNT

I should really get around to actually seeing if I like Pretty Little Liars or Memphis Beat one of these days.

WEDNESDAY:
8pm – So You Think You Can Dance on FOX
9pm – Dark Blue on TNT

Okay, so I kinda screwed up on the whole Oh I’m Def Going To Review Dark Blue thing last week. But this week for sure!

THURSDAY:
8pm – So You Think You Can Dance (2-hour finale!) on FOX
9pm – Moonlight on the CW
9pm – Project Runway on Lifetime
9pm – Burn Notice on USA

FRIDAY:
9pm – Eureka on SyFy
10pm – Haven on SyFy

And you could also watch Night At the Museum on ABC at 8. Because it is awesome.

SATURDAY:

Nothing new is airing tonight. Watch Spike’s Star Wars marathon. Or USA’s House marathon (which includes the pilot at 8pm!). Or, you know, go out and do something. Whatever.

SUNDAY:
9pm – Leverage on TNT
9pm – Scoundrels on ABC
10pm – The Gates on ABC

Did I miss something? Whoops. This was done in kind of a hurry.

Enjoy your week!

This Week 8/2 to 8/8

So there’s this thing called “Shark Week” you may have heard of…

Tonight:
8pm – Lie to Me on FOX
9pm – The Good Guys on FOX
10pm – Rizzoli & Isles on TNT

TUESDAY:
8pm – Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family
9pm – Warehouse 13 on SyFy
9pm – White Collar on USA
10pm – Covert Affairs on USA
10pm – Memphis Beat on TNT

I do not watch Warehouse 13. But I mentioned it just so that I could share with y’all the whispered plan for a W13–Eureka crossover.

WEDNESDAY:
8pm – So You Think You Can Dance (Top 4) on FOX
9pm – Dark Blue (2-hour season premiere!) on TNT

Is it just me, or is there something inherently silly about airing the movie Next twice in a row? Way to go, FX.

THURSDAY:
9pm – So You Think You Can Dance (results) on FOX
9pm – Moonlight on the CW
9pm – Project Runway on Lifetime
9pm – Burn Notice on USA

Wait, when did a new season of Project Runway start? (And, I ask as I do every week, why does everything air at 9pm on Thursday?)

FRIDAY:
9pm – Eureka on SyFy
10pm – Haven on SyFy

SATURDAY:
8pm – Persons Unknown on NBC

SUNDAY:
9pm – Rubicon on AMC
9pm – Leverage on TNT
9pm – Scoundrels on ABC
10pm – The Gates on ABC

I’m actually going to do stuff this week, I promise! And by “things” I mean I will, at the very least, be watching and reviewing Dark Blue. So excited for that show! I was terrified it was going to get cancelled after the first season but NO! SAVED! And now Tricia Helfer has joined the cast! Looking forward to the increased sexy awesome? Oh yes.

Also, going to look into Rubicon and catch up on Persons Unknown, Eureka, and Haven. That last one just because I want to give it another chance before giving up entirely. (Speaking of giving up entirely, folks may notice the absence of Rookie Blue from this week’s schedule. I watched five minutes of the pilot and wanted to die so that was the end of that.)

Enjoy your week.

The Glades: the crimes are boring, the lead is irritating, the secondary characters are boring, and the non-procedural part of the plot is like a Harlequin novel but without any sexiness. Sorry A&E but the truth is, this is just a big unhot mess of epic fail

This Week 7/19 to 7/25

Aw man, I was so good at things the beginning of last week we just knew it couldn’t carry over to the weekend/a more timely This Week.

…in my defense, I had a bummer of a cold and was basically just zombie-ing my way through daily necessities and then sleeping.

ANYWAY.

This is what’s up coming up:

Tonight:
8pm – Lie to Me on FOX
9pm – The Good Guys on FOX
10pm – Rizzoli & Isles on TNT

And FX is airing 27 Dresses. Again. I don’t know why they keep doing that. (I also don’t know why that movie has a crack-like grasp on my mind.)

TUESDAY:
8pm – Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family
9pm – White Collar on USA
10pm – Covert Affairs on USA
10pm – Memphis Beat on TNT

Shows that keep showing up on this schedule only because I haven’t seen them yet and intend to at some point, sorta: Pretty Little Liars and Memphis Beat.

WEDNESDAY:
8pm – So You Think You Can Dance on FOX

Anyone who can explain to me why HawthoRNe is airing on TBS (you know, the comedy network) wins a cookie.

THURSDAY:
9pm – Rookie Blue on ABC
9pm – So You Think You Can Dance (results) on FOX
9pm – Moonlight on the CW
9pm – Burn Notice on USA

Also airing, re-run of Glee “Mash-Up.”

FRIDAY:
10pm – Haven on SyFy

SATURDAY:
7pm – Buffy the Vampire Slayer on VH1
8pm – The Bridge on ABC
8pm – Persons Unknown on NBC

That is the original 1992 Buffy movie. It is hysterical and if you have ever seen Buffy the series (especially if you liked it), you should watch this movie. Also, I have no idea what The Bridge is, but it seems somewhat intriguing.

SUNDAY:
9pm – Leverage on TNT
9pm – Scoundrels on ABC
10pm – The Gates on ABC

I think that’s it for this week. No specific Melted Brain goals – just tuning back in to Haven, Covert Affairs, Rizzoli & Isles, and Persons Unknown and giving them some take-two consideration.

Enjoy your seven-day period!